I Believe In Santa Claus

So I watched the Polar Express the other night with the kids. Good movie. A little odd, but overall good. I was struck at the end by the whole "hearing the bells" thing. If you haven't seen the movie and you don't want me to ruin it for you, skip the rest of this paragraph and pick up later on. In the movie you could only hear Santa's bells if you believed in him. When he brought the bell back, only he and his sister could hear; his parents were deaf to its tones. After time, even his sister couldn't hear it because she had lost the belief.

All right, end of spoiler, so I'll start a new paragraph. In this movie (and countless others like it) we're led to feel that believing in Santa Claus is a noble thing, something worthwhile and, to a point, selfless. Why is it that believing that one man could produce and deliver toys to all the children of the world in one night is a good thing? Why do we care? Yeah, it's a great story for the kids, but why has it lasted all these years? I think the reason is not the man or his actions, but the symbol. What does Santa Claus stand for?

To address this question, I go straight to an authority; the 1947 classic, Miracle on 34th Street. If you haven't seen this movie, where on earth have you been? Go watch it. In this movie, Santa Claus gets put on trial, basically for being crazy. As the movie progresses, it comes out that Santa Claus is a representative of all that's good in this world. See, in Santa, we have a man who gives his life to make others happy. We have a man who's given his life in a completely selfless manner. He is pure and selfless and full of joy. As Fred Gailey puts it, "It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles." Santa Claus represents that better part of ourselves, the part of giving, of charity, of love and kindness. It's that part of us that too often gets lost in the shuffle while we're making a buck and looking out for me and mine. To quote Kris Kringle, "For the past 50 years or so I've been getting more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle." So this Christmas, don't forget Christmas. Don't forget it's not about the new iPod or all the presents under the tree. And if you've got the Christmas Spirit, don't lose it in a month when you move on to something else.

So, from our house to yours, Merry Christmas. And may the Spirit of Christmas follow you throughout the year.

Thanks for the Advice

To all my friends who have barraged me with those countless informative e-mail's, thought I would show my appreciation with a big thanks!

To whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. As soon as I get my free dinner coupons from Applebee's, I can eat out again.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink coca cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "under god" on their cans.

I no longer use saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with aids.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al-Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill totaling $2,374.76 with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my a--.

And remember, if you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ...

Thank you, and have a wonderful day.

See the wonderful things that the internet has brought us? For those that don't use this already, if you ever need to verify the veracity of an e-mail, try Snopes. Snopes has just about any urban legend you're likely to get and they can tell you if it's true or false.

And The Winner Is...

The Internet... As much as I wanted to pick radio, I think I have to go with the Internet. In spite of all the bad things the internet brings, it really is a great thing. It helps people stay in touch, be entertained, keep up with news, as well as share information across the entire globe. I'm a firm believer that the internet has contributed greatly to the spread of freedom across the world and will continue to do so more and more in the future. It really is impossible to stop its spread and reach of information.

For those that are wondering, the final standings are like this.

1. The Internet
2. Radio
3. Cars
4. Railroads
5. Television
6. Sliced Bread

So, next time you're tempted to say, "It's the best thing since sliced bread", correct yourself and say "It's the best thing since the internet"...

Best Inventions

All right, these are the things I think about. What's been the most societal-changing invention in the last couple of hundred years? I limit the scope because I don't want to be considering the wheel and other such things. The criteria is whatever I say it is and I'm the final arbiter of all decisions, but you're free to disagree.

And the nominees are (insert drumroll here):

• Radio
• Television
• The Internet
• Sliced Bread
• Railroads
• Cars

Now let's take a closer look at the candidates.

Radio: From my limited research (you don't expect me to do lengthy research for this do you?), it appears that the first real radio broadcasts occured around the turn of the last Century. Radio provided for the first time the true ability to "mass communicate". People all over the world could hear news and music almost instantaneously. From FDR's "Fireside Chats", to the 1922 World Series, to the panic-inducing "War of the Worlds", to "The Grand Ole Opry", radio made information, sports, entertainment and music available to people on a grand scale, as well as allowing one on one communication across long distances. And what's better than driving at night and picking up an AM station from half way across the country? Nothing beats a late night listening to 650 WSM. Radio sparks the imagination in a way I think few other media forms do. It forces you to draw the mental pictures much like a book. One of my favorite songs is I Watched it All (On My Radio) (Go here to listen. Scroll down past the first song and click on the little music note by "I Watched It All (On My Radio)")by Lionel Cartwright. He talks about all the things he "saw" on his radio. Unfortunately, I think that aspect of radio is dying. The AM dial seems to be dead these days and the FM side is filled with nothing but the Pop Station of the Day.

Pros:

• Mass communication ability.
• Relatively inexpensive equipment, even from the early days.
• Long distance communication.
• Fosters the imagination and mental pictures.
• With the exception of the relatively new Satellite Radio, it's free.
• Doesn't require your full attention while listening. Can be combined with other activities.

Cons:

• No pictures. Let's face it, we're "visual based" beings.
• Limited to no reception is some areas.
• Difficulty transmitting AM long distances during the day.
• Difficulty transmitting FM long distances period.

Television: Television is basically radio with pictures. It allows for the same broad dissemination of information, sports and entertainment except it includes pictures and we all know "a picture's worth a thousand words". With the advances in Satellite TV, it's basically available anywhere (In the Continental United States. Fees and restrictions do apply.)

Pros:

• The same information dissemination as radio, but with pictures. Allowing you to literally see what's happening and pick up body language, etc.
• Available almost anywhere.

Cons:

• A "passive" experience. You sit. You watch.
• Robs the imagination of the opportunity to paint the pictures.
• Cost of equipment and typically some service.
• TV has a much deeper influence than radio. Pictures become burned in your memory. This is good if you're watching something positive. They have positive programming on TV?

Internet: The internet has completely revolutionized our world. No invention has allowed the dissemination of information to a truly global extent like the internet has. It doesn't matter where you are (within limits), you can read viewpoints from all over the world. The best part is, you can also watch porn from all over the world too. OK, so maybe that's not such a good thing. While the internet has expanded the borders of information and freedom, it has also expanded access to pornography and destructive influences of all sorts to unprecedented levels. Anyone can get anything anywhere.

Pros:

• Global dissemination of information and communication.
• User generated content. Even I can have a "blog".
• Most content is free.

Cons:

• Global dissemination of "all kinds of bad stuff".
• Spam...
• Pop-Up ads...
• User generated content. Even I can have a "blog"...
• System costs and access costs

Sliced Bread: I'm not sure where to go with this one. I mean, it's sliced bread... But. It's Sliced Bread, that golden standard to which everything else is held. So I felt compelled to include it. But ask yourself one question. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Pros:

• Makes handy sandwiches.
  

Cons:

• Molds
• Goes stale
• Very "crumb-y"
  

Railroads: Railroads united this country and allowed/expedited the development of half of this continent. Railroads allowed for transportation of goods and people across vast expanses of open space, allowing for people to sell their goods to markets far away, as well as allowing the import of goods from long distances. This reduced the need for specific regions to be "self-sufficient" in providing their needs, allowing regions to specialize in industries they were most suited for (i.e. the Great Plains in food, the industrialized and populated East Coast in equipment and manufacturing).

Pros:

• Allows low(er) cost transportation of goods across long distances.
• Gives some predictability and efficiency to transportation of goods.
• Allows specialization of economies.
  

Cons:

• High cost of infrastructure.
• Destinations limited to somewhere along the tracks.

Cars: While railroads may have built this country, cars populated it. Distances that once took days to cover on foot or horseback now takes hours. For the first time in history, people weren't restricted to where they wanted to live based on proximity to water, jobs, etc. People could still survive, even when isolated from the necessities of life. People can choose where they live based not on where they work but based on where they want to live. Throw in the trucking industry and you have a significant replacement of the railroads for freight hauling

Pros:

• Flexibility of transportation.
• Allows travel at (relatively) low cost.
• Allows transportation of goods and people to virtually all areas of the country.

Cons:

• Global Warming! Freak out everybody...
• High gas costs (recently anyways).
• Cost of infrastructure for roadways.
• Cars lead to urban sprawl. I'm not sure how bad "urban sprawl" is, but I'll throw it in there...

So there's the candidates. In a later post, we'll pick a winner. Hopefully tomorrow (or sooner), but given my track record, we'll see...

Going Bowling...

Well, after 6 long years, the University of Kentucky has finally made it back to a bowl game. Rich Brooks has actually done a pretty good job of coaching this year, which is surprising. I fully expect to get trounced by Clemson, mainly because our defense is incredibly inept, but we're going to a bowl game all the same. So, Go Cats! Wildcats, that is; not Tigers.

Perfection is Unattainable...

This whole blogging thing is hard. As the two people (NOTE: The recent posting droughts may have driven those two people away...) that read here have probably noticed, I'm more about long posts than little blurbs about how my day went. Problem is, long posts take time. Time I don't have. I have these grand visions of posts on various topics. I flesh out the issues; I issue my opinions; I stand on my soapbox and espouse great words of wisdom (OK, maybe not the last one). But I don't get around to posting them. I've got two posts started on paper (Technically, electronic media is the proper term, but "paper" sounds better) and a dozen more swirling in my head. I just haven't got around to them. So I figured in the meantime, I'd throw out a stop gap. Nothing earth-shattering here, just a couple quick things. As a more long term solution, I may put up a paypal button and all of my flocks of loyal readers can contribute money to me to allow me to eliminate extraneous things in my life like work and lawn care. I can guarantee that my blogging quantity, if not quality, would improve. Let me know if you're interested and I'll post an estimated amount needed.

Christmas:
It's about that time of year again. I got the lights up on Friday night, along with the lighted "garland" that says "MERRY CHRISTMAS" and the animated (Their heads move) reindeer (matched pair, 1 buck, 1 doe). The deer and the Merry Christmas are new additions for the year. I wanted one of the big snow globes, but the wife said no... No snow globe. If anyone's in the holiday spirit, you can get me one of these. Post here and I'll get you my shipping address. Anyway, got the lights up, we put the tree up last night and I'm listening to Christmas music as we speak. All's well. It really is a great time of year, you know. I feel bad for all you people buried in the snow, but the weather's even great here. It's been in the 70's most days. And as we reach this time of year, let's take the time to remember those less fortunate than ourselves. Most places seem to have some sort of program buying toys for kids in bad family situations. While you're out shopping for yourself and your family, buy a couple of things for someone else too. Better yet, those of you with kids, take your kids out and let them buy something for someone else. If you can't do that, do something. Just remember, Christmas means more than presents and lights, or even snow globes... So, I'm sure I'll say it again, but for now, "Merry Christmas".

Charity:
Speaking of thinking of others. I ran across this article the other day and I found it very interesting. Americans are often criticized for being stingy or cheap and yet that appears to be untrue. It appears that unlike other nations, we give out of our own pockets instead of waiting on the government to give. It's a different approach than most of the world and one that most of your celebrities (Bono, Former President Carter, Angelina Jolie were all quoted in the referenced article) and other world organizations fail to recognize. Perhaps they fail to see it's much more effective than government programs that are rife with corruption and waste.

On Success:
Another article I ran across in "the layoff". It's about a man named Chris Gardner, who you may have heard about since he's been making the media rounds lately about a new movie with Will Smith along with his book, The Pursuit of Happyness. Chris Gardner is a man who came from a broken and abusive home and whose life was turned around by a chance encounter with a man driving a ferrari. Read the article, it's great. To paraphrase a line from Jerry Maguire, "I was inspired. And I'm an engineer." It really does go to show that you can have anything in this country if you'll set your mind to it and work to achieve it. Several years ago, I was reading a book of George H.W. Bush's letters and I had something of an ongoing discussion with a friend several years ago about what makes a man (to be PC, "or woman") "great", as opposed to "ordinary". A few months after we determined that we didn't know, I had an encounter with someone in a small town in the middle of Kentucky. This guy was full of a vision and ideas and he was alive. He knew what he wanted and you could tell he was committed to achieving it. From that I determined that two things are necessary for "greatness": Vision and Determination. I guess I always knew that, but you expect there to be something more. Anyway, the friend I was discussing this with said, "But how do you do this when you come from a broken home or a disadvantaged background?" Ask Chris Gardner. I'm sure it's not easy, but it can obviously be done.

Now all we've got to do is go out and find that vision...