McCain Cutting Pork

If McCain can cut pork so well, how come he hasn't used his bipartisan strength in the Senate to do that now???

McCain Cutting Pork

If McCain can cut pork so well, how come he hasn't used his bipartisan strength in the Senate to do that now???

More Trouble for the Mid-East Peace Process

Canaanites Demand Place in Mideast Peace Talks

by Joe Bob Briggs

The Wittenburg Door, 8 Jan 2008

As President Bush pressed for more intensive Middle East peace talks and dispatched Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to the region to propose boundaries for a possible settlement, 27 additional nationalities asserted land claims in what is traditionally known as Palestine. 

"We refuse the imperialist names of Palestine and/or Israel," said Ramsey Clark, the former Attorney General, recently hired to represent the various claimants, including people calling themselves Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.  "The proper name is Canaan." 

Clark held the press conference at a site three kilometers east of Bethel called Et-Tell -- literally "the ruin heap" -- chosen because it's all that's left of the royal city of Ai, where Israeli warlord Joshua allegedly ordered the "smiting" of 12,000 men and the burning of the entire metropolis, then hanged the king, then buried the king's corpse, then covered the corpse with a mound of stones, like a monument. 

"And there's never been an apology," said Clark, standing next to a woman who described herself as a descendant of Horam king of Gezer.

"I wasn't in Ai, and neither were my ancestors," said the woman, Yilla Og-chephirah, "but this is where the bloodlust started, and it didn't get any better -- we all know what happened in Gezer, not to mention Kirjathjearim.  Before these people showed up, my family didn't even like Kirjathjearimites, but going through that kind of hell kind of draws you together.  In my opinion, all the Canaanites are the same now." 

Holding up placards reading "Imperialists Out of Canaan Now" and "Love Israel?  Take Interstate 56 South to Egypt," the various groups issued a list of demands ranging from monetary compensation to war-crimes trials to "right of return" laws that in some cases would require the unearthing of cities like Hazor, Madon, Shimron, and Achshaph. 

Especially incensed are the former inhabitants of Gibeon, Chephirah, and Beeroth, who all demand "slave reparations" for what they claim was centuries of work as "hewers of wood and drawers of water."  ("It was ridiculous," said their representative, Zolfikar Soweda.  "I mean, how much wood and water did they need?  You'd think people who knew how to make bricks out of straw would have a little sympathy, you know.") 

"The bottom line here," said Clark, "is that sometime in the 12th century BC, all these peace-loving people were driven from their land, chopped up with swords, robbed, looted, burned, except for -- get this -- the family of a hooker!  What kind of sadists would do this and then, for their own amusement, rescue this prostitute and her family so they could laugh about it later?  It's disgusting." 

Clark said he would welcome any overtures from the American State Department, the Israeli Foreign Ministry, or the Palestinian authorities, but there were some things that were not negotiable.  "First, the original aggression must be addressed for what it is -- sustained terrorism -- -and an apology must be proffered.  Second, Israel needs to return to the pre-1200 borders, which would be, I don't know, wandering around somewhere, we'll figure it out, they can have something in Sinai.  And third, everyone must recognize the right of self-determination of the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites and the Hivites.  The Hivites are especially upset because they tried to make peace with these people." 

Spokesmen for Israel, the United States and the Palestinians all declined comment, but sources inside the American State Department said they had been in touch with the Anakims, the last Canaanite people to be eviscerated during Israel's extended military campaigns, and confidential sources inside those talks said most of the Canaanites would release all of their claims in return for being allowed to use Canaanite archaeological sites for casinos.

My Dream Administration

President: Mitt Romney

Pretty obvious.  If you want to know why, see here.

 

Vice-President: Fred Thompson

OK, confession time.  You could swap these and I wouldn’t be upset; both good guys.  I think Thompson provides Romney something he badly needs; credentials in the South (and vice-versa).  I get the feeling that a lot of people in the South are afraid of a northeastern Republican and I think Thompson could provide some serious credibility with Conservatives in the South.

 

Secretary of Defense: Duncan Hunter

His experience in the military and in Congress would serve him well as Secretary of Defense.  There is no doubt in my mind, with Duncan Hunter, we would have a military prepared for the challenges that lay ahead.

 

Secretary of State: John Bolton

One big reason?  Sticking it to the Democrats.  Don’t want him to go to the UN?  Fine.  We’ll send him directly to Iran…  While ordinarily I’m not in favor of negotiating with Iran, I’m fine if Bolton wants to go.  Seriously, John Bolton is just the man for this job.  Or we can keep Condi if she wants to stay; I have no problem with her either.

 

Secretary of Homeland Security: Tom Tancredo

This man will seal the borders.  The fact that he looks like a detective from some 70’s cop show is just a bonus.

 

National Security Advisor:  Rudy Giuliani

I may have qualms with Rudy as President, but I have no qualms with Rudy as NSA

 

Attorney General: Ted Poe

This former judge and founder of the Congressional Victims’ Rights Caucus is a principled man of integrity who would bring a no-nonsense approach to AG.

 

Bonus Appointments:

 

Secretary of Agriculture: Charles Bronson

Gotcha…  While he looks nothing like (and considerably softer than) the tough guy actor Charles Bronson, it’d be great to have a tough sounding Commissioner of Agriculture.  Not sure why, but somewhere down the line it’ll come in handy…  It’s always reassuring to see Mr. Bronson’s name on the gas pumps here in Florida.  I know if I ever have a problem with a bad pump, I can call on him and he’ll come beat the crap out of the offenders.

 

Press Secretary:  Rush Limbaugh

Because watching the press have to deal with Limbaugh every day would instantly make White House Press Conferences prime-time viewing.

 

Secretary of Down-Home Folkisms:  Mike Huckabee

I’m as big a fan of politicians who can relate to me as the next guy, but Huckabee takes it to a Clintonesque-level (Bill, not Hillary.  Tears aren’t effective for me).  He seems to have cut back on this lately (or maybe I’ve become oblivious to them) but back when the “Huckaboom” started they seemed to come two or three to a point.

 

Ambassador to New Hampshire:  John McCain

McCain seems to have a special relationship with the people of New Hampshire so we’ll give him this (admittedly ceremonial) post.  And who knows, it can’t hurt his run in 2012 or 2016…

 

 

Letter to the Editor on Romney

I sent in a letter to the editor on Romney which was published in our local paper yesterday.

As the Jan. 29 primary draws closer, I’ve spent some time considering my choice for the Republican nomination. I see the 2008 election as critically important and so it’s equally crucial that the Republican Party field a strong, articulate nominee. What I’m looking for in a presidential candidate is a “complete conservative.”

By complete conservative, I mean both fiscally and socially conservative. A conservative should stand for three main things: fiscal conservatism, strong national defense and social conservatism. Fiscal conservatism consists of limited government, low taxes and eliminating wasteful spending. Strong national defense requires a strong, effective military and secure borders. Social conservatism is morals, supporting families and taking a stand for a culture of life, in all phases.

Mitt Romney is the only Republican candidate who has shown himself to be an effective communicator, a consistent conservative, strong on defense and who has strong leadership experience. His business executive background and mentality will serve him well as he works to control spending and government waste. His faith and values lead him to promote a culture of life and support a federal marriage amendment. Gov. Romney is a strong opponent of judicial activism and will appoint strict constructionists, not judges who will make policy or further curtail constitutional rights like the Second Amendment or the Kelo case.

Mitt Romney is also against amnesty for illegal immigrants and believes in enforcing our immigration laws and punishing “sanctuary cities” and employers who hire illegal immigrants.

Gov. Romney truly does have a “strategy for a stronger America.” He has the vision to lead and the ability to communicate and inspire others with that same vision. For that reason, I support Gov. Mitt Romney for president of the United States. For more information on Mitt’s vision for America, go to his website at www.mittromney.com.

A woman called our house at 8:00 this morning and thanked my wife for the letter. While I appreciate her thanks, I thought it rather strange (and a touch creepy) that she would look up our number in the phone book to call. Is it just me?